The Worst Coloring Book has been available for almost a week now, and over 50 have shipped. That means all seven people I know ordered multiple copies. Thank you for supporting such a shitty vanity project. To repay all seven of my loyal readers, I will now be holding a contest of champions. Not that you have to be an actual champion to enter, of course. You bought my book, so you're probably not a champion of anything.

This contest will see the best reader coloring submissions pitted against one another until a coloring champion is crowned. Technically, I guess that means this isn't a contest of "champions" but rather a contest of "one champion to be named later and all the non-champion participants". Perhaps using the term "champion" was a mistake.

The contest will commence once I have filled the bracket with 64 reader submissions. By my mathematically-incoherent estimation, I should have received 64 reader submissions by late May, 2021. Since no one, including my seven readers, will likely care about this contest by then, I will rate each reader submission as it is received. Those ratings will be published here, on this stupid blog, by me, at some point after I receive them. The rating system will not be standardized.

The first reader submission comes from my friend Drea. Please look at it now.

Let's start with the graffiti.

Pug people hate corgi people with a hate that is as hot as the heat from a thousand suns. Clearly Drea is looking to incite some sort of short-legged-breed-preference war. That takes moxie. Extra points.

The cat meme is a staple in the world of toilet stall graffiti, so it feels at home here. Comfortable, even. But I can't decide if the caption trails off because of an apportioning error on Drea's part or if this is all part of an attempt to make it look like the theoretical graffiti artist that theoretically memed this stall was the one who made that mistake. More research is needed before points can be awarded.

As we move to the right, we see a colorful depiction of sticky notes in various stages of business. At this point we need to remember that, as the copy on the facing page makes clear, this is "me time". Anyone who kanbans my "me time", regardless of how clever that kanbanning is, loses points for bringing unnecessary business into this place of necessary business. Less points.

The jumble of quotes and commentary speak truth from the middle of the door. I agree with all of it. 18 points. (Note: Twenty points would have been awarded if each quote/comment wasn't assigned a unique color. Generally speaking, I only carry three uniquely-colored Sharpies when attending to necessary business. The use of four detracts from the gritty realism I like in my stall graffiti.)

The final graffiti is the question "Is it beer'o'clock yet?" This is a silly question. The answer is yes. Zero points.

Just beyond the decorated stall door, we see an artistic representation of Larry. This representation extends beyond the intended borders of the original image. Bold move. More points. However, Larry likes to stand a bit to his left so he can watch my shy discomfort. Fewer points.

Overall, this was an excellent submission and a worthy first contender in the Contest of One Future Champion. I rate this 7.8 flushes out of a possible 9 flushes.